there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
