when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
