just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
