smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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