i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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