Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
