THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
