so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
