i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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