Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
