I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
