i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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