we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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