I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
