Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
