Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
