I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
