Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
