i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
