I'm going to jail i love you
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
