hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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