You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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