I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
high people should be assigned attendants
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
