I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
