Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
