My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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