So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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