4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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