one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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