I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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