Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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