thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
