I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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