I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
A+ Viking dick
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