When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
