this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
