It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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