Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
