I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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