There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
