I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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