The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sext me about skeletons
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
