i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
