fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
