Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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