Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
