I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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