Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
