No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
