i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
