I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
